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The Dragon​-​Slayer

from Filk and Cookies by Vanessa Cardui

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about

Rearranged in 2012: The original version (with a more traditional arrangement) was recorded by Heroincredible and included on their 2011 release ‘Pancake Land’. There is also a video, which I encourage you to find and watch for your edification and betterment.

Special thanks to Erin Lindley for her early backup vocal idea, which served as a starting point for my subsequent madrigalistic extravagance. Also thanks to Stanley Woo for the ill-conceived notion of creating an a cappella version.

lyrics

I think it’s time to slay the dragon
I think it’s time to take a stand
He’s been eating all our babies, pretty girls and little old ladies,
And it’s time someone faced him like a man
Someone skillful and courageous
Whom all your young ones can admire
Someone’s got to have the stones to save our families and our homes
Because that motherfucker breathes fire!

My mount is mighty and majestic
I wield a long and rigid lance
No warrior of our time has got a sword as great as mine
And I’ve got lucky fire-retardant slaying pants
I was born and I was raised here
I’d give my life to save this town
And since that dragon started raidin’, we’ve been short on blushing maidens,
So my sword and I are taking him down!

I think it’s time to slay the dragon
I think it’s time to take a stand
He’s been eating all our babies, pretty girls and little old ladies,
And it’s time someone faced him like a man
Someone skillful and courageous
Whom all your young ones can admire
Someone’s got to have the stones to save our families and our homes
Because that motherfucker breathes fire!

He flaps his wings and stirs up windstorms!
He’s got more teeth than I’ve got hair!
He’s made meals of every knight who’s tried to take him in a fight,
But I don’t care!

I’ll take him face to face with honour
With all my chivalry and tact
And if that doesn’t do the trick, I’ve got a giant cork to stick
Into his throat, and force the blast back down his tract!
I’m at the goddamn lizard’s doorstep
I’m wearing ninety pounds of steel
My good old squire has brought along a ladle and a pot
‘Cause dragon gumbo makes a mighty fine meal!

I’m here to slay a fucking dragon!
He should be with us presently...
‘Cause I’ve brought along for bait a pretty virgin on a stake
And I’m pretty sure she’s coming home with me!

Someone’s got to slay the dragon!
Someone’s got to face this test!
He’s been eating all our babies, pretty girls and little old ladies,
And deserves to be done in by the best!
Someone skillful and courageous
Whom all your young ones can admire
Someone’s got to have the stones to save our families and our homes
Because that motherfucker breathes fire!

credits

from Filk and Cookies, released July 5, 2014
©2010 Vanessa Cardui

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Vanessa Cardui Calgary, Alberta

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