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The Tywin Lannister Experience

from Filk and Cookies by Vanessa Cardui

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lyrics

The Conqueror had dragons, but so does he
His obliterative brand of diplomacy
Always leaves you either dead or an employee

He’s Tywin, Tywin, Tywin Lannister
Rich and clever, proud and sinister
He shits gold, his horse shits lavender
And even his spit has a lustre
He’s Tywin, Tywin, Tywin Lannister
No one else is more dishonester
Treasonous, despotic ancestor
To up-jumped royal bastards

He’ll tell you that a Lannister pays his debts
Then he’ll set you on fire so you won’t forget
Burn your city to the ground and not break a sweat

He’s Tywin, Tywin, Tywin Lannister
With seven kingdoms to administer
No one skins deer faster
And he’ll do the same thing to your hamster
He’s Tywin, Tywin, Tywin Lannister
Shame that Stark boy got defenestered
When he saw his kids do
Things you shouldn’t do when you’re brother and sister

He’s Tywin, Tywin, Tywin Lannister
Sliding up and down the bannister
There’s not much that rhymes with Lannister
At least he’s not a Greyjoy

credits

from Filk and Cookies, released July 5, 2014
Words ©2013 Vanessa Cardui

Music: The so-called ‘Munchkin Song’ from the Red Dwarf episode ‘Blue’, composed by Howard Goodall

Keyboards by Luke Bowman

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Vanessa Cardui Calgary, Alberta

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